


Phasma is a okay friend

by Lightbulbjokes



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Hux is so small next to Kylo, I don't care about cannon, M/M, POV Phasma, and that's just funny, everyone is ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightbulbjokes/pseuds/Lightbulbjokes
Summary: Hux like likes Kylo and Phasma loves Hux (like a bro, no hetero) but that's not going to stop her from laughing over how small Kylo Ren makes Hux look when they stand next to each other





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta Read.  
> I can't spell, oh and I still don't like Star Wars sorry  
> I wrote this after being inspired by my own laughing at a friend of mine for their crush. I love you very much but he's so small and u so big, i laugh so much. Also you got me into this hell so this is your fault.  
> Enjoy! Feedback makes me better if it's positive or not so leave it!

Phasma laughed again. "So you are telling me that our most Heterosexual General, would never even look at another man's anything, likes Kylo Ren? The angst ball of rage Kylo Ren?" 

"Yes,Phasma. That is what I'm telling you." Hux says pouting "and there's no need to talk about as if I wasn't here." 

Phasma giggles. "No but... Hux buddy, I love you but really? Of all the men to go gay for, Kylo Ren? Imagine if like I don't know, I went straight for that little guy on the bridge" 

Hux sighs pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Okay but Hux" Phasma interrupts again, still giggling. "He is so big. And you are small. So big, so small." 

She tries to keep going in the same vein but keeps loosing it half way through. Honest to goodness belly laughing at this point. Muttering "But him so big, you so small" under her breath as she tires to pull herself back together. 

 

Honestly Phasma doesn't really care of Hux and Kylo get together. As long as it doesn't make Ren more destructive than he currently is. 

Next time there's a meeting and both men are there she takes a moment to look at them. Ren isn't actually that much taller than Hux. But he feels so much bigger some how. It's really interesting to watch. Trying to pick up on the subtleties of their interaction. How Hux is around people he likes, and "like" likes. 

Phasma is pretty sure she's composed but Hux makes eye contact with her right after a particularly clear glance at Ren and She's lost it again. She actually has to get up and leave the room she's laughing so maniacally under her imposing Crome helmet. 

A few days later she winds up in the canteen. Everyone is gossiping about who likes who. The First Order may be a galactic military power but everyone reverts back to high schoolers when they've been in space long enough. Especially the ones that have been brainwashed their whole lives to be nothing but mindless drones. But Phasma doesn't care about that anymore. Mostly because she has the best gossip. And this week, she knows who the General likes. Everyone laps it up. It's General Hux! And sure she's probably going against some sort of First Order rule but when she starts laughing about how big  
Kylo Ren is... it pays for other people to know why she's laughing. 

It kind of tapers off after a while. Maybe the most disconnected parts of the ship are just finding out. And also having a good laugh over the size difference of the two men. Even Phasma barley really cares anymore outside of a good chuckle during really important and boring meetings. It's not even that they are both men. Despite being what some have claimed to be an oppressive regime, the First Order is actually pretty progressive when it comes to things like sexuality and gender. It tends to shock a lot of people but when your a galactic army who control all parts of people's life telling people who the can and can't fuck only seems to highlight that. But one thing everyone can get a chuckle out of is imagining their small heterosexual general hugging (and more) that big sith shadow called Kylo Ren, who honestly gave off some pretty strong gay vibes for someone whose main vide was that you where going to die soon.

And then, Kylo Ren and General Hux get together. It wasn't obvious but Phasma had an eye for that sort of thing. Well it wasn't obvious, but it wasn't subtle either. Like the fact that Kylo's helmet had kiss marks on it and the only person with new love marks around their collar was Hux. Phasma was kind of disappointed they didn't hug more in public. Their size difference wasn't as big as it was in her head but it was still funny to watch them together trying not to be obvious. 

She stopped Hux one day on the way to a meeting. "Hey Hux. Umm... so like long story short the whole ship knows you like Kylo so it's really not hard to tell you two are together. Okay thanks!" She was talking faster with every word because Hux was glaring at her like the plague. 

"And how do they know that, Phasma?" The way he said her name was rather ominous. He exuded the air of a disappointed parent while also being rather smug about making her answer a question they both knew the answer to.

"God Hux I'm so sorry" Phasma cracked rather quickly "I told everyone. It's just they where asking why I was laughing" 

"And that was because?" Hux was taping his foot at her threatening and genuinely interested in the answer.

"Oh my god Hux. It's because you are so small and he's so big! It's just too funny! I'm so sorry but it is." Phasma was laughing but also a little bit terrified for her own safety. 

Hux let out a small laugh himself. "I suppose it rather is. And well, if everyone knows he and I are together we may as well stop pretending." 

Phasma was really confused now. "Umm... sir? Pretending what?" She was utterly lost now.

"Pretending that we aren't fucking, Phasma do keep up." And with that Hux swooshed away but not before he called back one last thing to her "and yes, he really is big every where." 

And with that Hux was gone and Phasma was alone in the hallway. It took her a moment to process before she burst out laughing. And kept laughing. It was all she planed to do from now on. Just stand in the hallway laughing because Kylo Ren had a big dick and her small best friend was definitely getting some. She was so proud and also still definitely laughing

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (and if you are my secret bro who this is a secret gift for lmk if u liked it and also if you don't I can take it down/remove mentions of you <3


End file.
